that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
