12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
