ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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