I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
