you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
