i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
