Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
