thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize