having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
