she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
