Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
