This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
