Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
