no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
