this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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