I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No stitches, just platelets and will power
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize