I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
