i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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