Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
