i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
