Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
