If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My feet surprised me
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