I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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