And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
