Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
