You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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