i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
