I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
