Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
