Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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