Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
