i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
