his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
