I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize