So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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