even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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