She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
