he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
