How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
