I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
