She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
