I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
