you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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