You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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