dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
