You just made me feel so damn special
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
