Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
