Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
