if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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