he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
