you turned your livingroom into a bong?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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