hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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