so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
