You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
