i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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