My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
