I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
