i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
