I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
