You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
