Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
