Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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