I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
