Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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