She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
