we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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