Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
