never play flip cup with pint glasses
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
