you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
