I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
