woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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