I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
