awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
