I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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