he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
